I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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