I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
