I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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