Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
