If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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