Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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