I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
