Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
