if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
