is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
