I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
