Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
