I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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