a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
