2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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