When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize