Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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