Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
