Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
