Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
