I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
