is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
