This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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