The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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