Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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