imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
