I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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