I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
