so explain again why im purple
no
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
