She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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