The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I cockslap morals
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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