WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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