my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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