I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
