4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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