Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
