I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
