Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize