An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
