P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
