What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
