Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
