it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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