you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
