i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
