I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
