you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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