More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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