She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
