i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize