I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
