I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
this must be what syphilis tastes like
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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