you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
