im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
