the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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