The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
