Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
