Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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