I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
