We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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