but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
