I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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