I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
