y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
