he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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