I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
