Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
