so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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