Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
